dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I yelled at your uterus for you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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