Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
