I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
