so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
