He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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