Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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