Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
