you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Congratulations! We have a period
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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