I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize