handjob tips. give me some.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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