My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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