what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
