Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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