Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
