Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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