$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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