I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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