im drinking this country out of the recession.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
