Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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