The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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