i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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