I swear she didn't look like that last week.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
