He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
