He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
