Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
