I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
