normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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