Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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