Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My life is pants optional.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
