i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
