Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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