We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
