i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
