No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
