OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
