her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
