Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
