Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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