Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
