I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
