What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
