one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
