i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
