Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
