Kiss
Puke
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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