my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
