I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
