oh god the rape fog is back!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
