Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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