i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
