So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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