If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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