I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
