Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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