I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
