Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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