is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
