I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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