woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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