Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
