the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
