i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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