So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
