How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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